One of the biggest lies about the abortion experience is that it does not effect the fathers of these children. From my own experience and the experience of men that I have talked to, it has a profound effect and an effect that continues throughout one’s life, although the dehibilitng effect begins to lessen.
If one can get past this initial lie they will find a whole pack of lies that continues to effect the post-abortive father if they are not exposed and dealt with. Here are some of them. I am weird because of this experience, I am a bad person, nobody cares about my pain, I’ll never get over this, my situation is hopeless, I can never reconcile with my child, my child is lost forever, I’ll never be forgiven, everybody hates me because of what I’ve done.
These are just a few of the lies that can be lodged in a father’s soul after being involved in an abortion. The trump card that is used to keep a man from entering his healing is the notion that this is a woman’s issue and it was none of his business. The reality is it was his business and will always be his business because that child would not have been conceived without him.
Once past that initial blockage, the father has the right and the responsibility to pursue his healing. From my own personal experience it seems that the Lord Jesus Christ is very interested in bringing healing to a post-abortive father. To begin with it appears that Jesus just loved reaching out to the outcast and the despised. Take Matthew for an example. Matthew was a tax collector who was despised by his own people as a traitor and who despised by the ruling authorities who were just using him for their own ends. It is quite possible that Matthew even despised himself for what he was doing. Why else would he seek out the savior? If he was fully content with what he was doing why would he have bothered turning to Jesus? But he did, and Jesus loved him and forgave him. There was a love available for Matthew that neither his country men, the ruling authorities or he himself could deliver. Only Jesus could give him that love because he died for sinners just like Matthew. So the conclusions of ‘I’ll never be forgiven and I am a bad person and nobody cares about my pain and everybody hates me for what I’ve done’ may be real in an earthly sense, but they are not true in a spiritual sense. Jesus loves everyone, including the despised father involved in an abortion.
Jesus not only forgives but he heals. Recognizing that your child is not lost forever and that you will be reconciled one day in the eternal bliss of heaven are just some of the realities that come to a father who comes to Jesus like Matthew did. When a person is born-again by faith in Christ he has become a new creature his citizenship is now going to be in heaven. The redeemed father has heaven to look forward to where he will see his child who is now there alive with Jesus. The father is not cut off from his child forever, he has a hope eternal in the heavens which fades not away. His situation is not hopeless, he has the hope of eternal life and the hope of a blessed reunion when he meets his child in heaven.
In terms of being weird because of having this experience, it was the greatest comfort to me to know that I wasn’t weird, I just made a bad decision. I was influenced by the spirit of this age rather than by the Holy Spirit and I can begin to yield more to God’s spirit now as I begin moving in the right direction instead of the wrong one.
Yes post-abortive father, you can get over this experience. It will most likely be one lie at a time, however you can get over it as you allow the spirit of God to expose what you have believed about your self, others and God in relation to this experience and allow Him to replace those lies with His truth. He did it for Matthew and He can do it for you, so ask Him into your life today.