Stealth Dads

Warren WilliamsFrom Fathers and Brothers Ministries, International

Few people regard men and abortion in the same sentence nowadays. But what about the dads? The abortion industry and the politically correct both ignore the father of the fetus, and neutralize his fatherhood status. Women, who have aborted, view the father as a perpetrator, as one who abandons them, and many women believe a level of contempt for them is justifiable. The times are a changin’ though; some men are breaking through the radar as they begin to express the pain of their abortion losses.

Not long ago I talked at length with a young man who just found out he was going to be a dad. He was worried about the mother. She had indicated strongly that she wanted to abort their child. I wish I could tell you that this story has a happy ending by saying that they worked things out and are now a thriving happy family. I cannot. She aborted the child against his wishes. I can tell you that this is a story I have heard many times before over a twenty year period. The theme is the same: Usually young men, sexually active, with a child on the way. They are young fathers, but their fatherhood is short lived. At Once abortion takes the life of their child, and their fatherhood.

A certain destiny comes upon a young man when he discovers his own fatherhood. He knows he has successfully procreated. In his heart of hearts there is a subtle call from God Almighty which spiritually reminds him of the blessing of multiplying. Adam and Eve were blessed with the words of God, and with the instruction to multiply. This is an ancient call, a call to pro-create and to preserve the lineage of one’s ancestors. This newly learned fact that he is a father places him within a long line of successful procreators, his dad, grandfather, etc. The stir of fatherhood is for the moment both exciting and terrifying. It has been so from the beginning. A first-time father feels a surge of successful manhood flow through his whole being. He can visualize the blessed success of a man caring for, managing and protecting his family. For the moment he is both successful and blessed with a child, and perplexed with the awesome responsibilities of fatherhood. One young man explained the feeling as a “happy bowl of Jell-O”.

The discovery of fatherhood comes long before birth. It comes with the presence of two little words from their wife, lover, (to use a common term) or “significant other”, when she says “I’m pregnant!” These are life changing words, for everyone involved, the mother, the father, the grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, and all associate relationships. A father is not just a man; he is a man with child. Fatherhood means something similar to every man, and something different as well. The similarities are those of relationship with the mother, and child. He is part of a bond which has pro-created. The differences are what that means via the contract of relationship with the mother, and the perception of existing relational contracts both written and unwritten with others. Will this be a fact that will bode well with friends, neighbors, and family, or will it be an inconvenience or even an embarrassment?

I am sad to report that the discovery of fatherhood in America over the past 3 decades is not usually taken as good news for a young man. He knows he has procreated, but on the other hand he has the responsibility of his sexual prowess. Pregnancy finds him out as father of the child. If he has been in a secret or promiscuous relationship this can be a very negative announcement to him. Most of the young men I see, are pro-life, pro-fatherhood, and are agonizing the demise of their lost fatherhood and aborted child even if they were in a non-married relationship. They recognized the blessing of their child, but are powerless to continue their fatherhood. Their fatherhood rested in the hands of their mate. It is/was her choice. If she chose to carry to term, their fatherhood continued, if she aborted, their fatherhood is cut short. This is a tragedy of gigantic proportion for many of the young men I see.

It is not an immediate tragedy for many others, for them abortion is a relief. For the young man who would be embarrassed or inconvenienced, her choice to abort is a blessing. His sexual irresponsibility goes undiscovered, and his fatherhood can be postponed indefinitely. He can move on with “HIS LIFE” unhindered by family or child. He knows he has lost a child, but for now that is perceived by him to be a blessing. It will be his little secret. A secret because he’d dare not share it with his dad. That would be the equivalent of admitting his failure as a man and father. Most sons feel that would ruin their father’s expectations of them. The perceived–fragile father and son relationship can be imagined to be destroyed in unacceptable shame rather than grand-fatherly blessing.

You might say what we need is to get these young men into church–into a relationship with God, and then they would be happy with their fatherhood, never supporting abortion again. You might say that, but you would be wrong. There are as many young would-be fathers among the churched as the un-churched–statistically there is no significant difference. But an unwanted pregnancy is only half the story. The other half is unwanted fatherhood. In most cases a young woman will be more likely to carry the child to term when she has the support of the young man–when she feels he wants to be like a husband and is looking forward to fatherhood. Our cultural beliefs about abortion, both in and outside the church, tend to place the burden with the woman. Young Christian men in the church have no greater incentive to take up the responsibility of fatherhood than young un-churched men.

By caveat, the expectations within the church may offer a greater incentive to support abortion. Tragically, I have talked to pastors over the years who routinely counsel young men and women to use abortion as a means to end their dilemma of embarrassment for their sexually active “mistakes”(children). Just as tragically, these same pastors say that they seldom counsel young men and women to repent and stay sexually pure. It is both unpopular and dangerous for a pastor to talk of abstinence or birth control methods. It is even unpopular for a pastor to couch promiscuity as a sin now a days for fear that many youth will abandon the Church as being old fashioned and narrowly judgmental. Fact is, the philosophy of the age looms very large. Many folks feel that we dare not oppose its powerful force, while others just plain don’t have or take the time to worry about it. It’s much easier to go along with the pro-choice movement, than to oppose or just ignore it. But is easy always or by necessity right?

Let’s look at where the sociology of the abortion issue sits in general. There is the argument that abortion is political, not religious. It is for women to solve, not men. We have other pro-choice arguments and considerations which seem to be popular, such as, overpopulation; poverty; single parent households; crime; unwanted and neglected children; world hunger; pollution, climate change and plundering of the world’s resources, and last but not least a “WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE.” Further, some argue that without abortion all these issues and outcomes would be overburdening and would likely cost the taxpayers billions more. Besides, abortion is so controversial and divisive it should be left alone. It stirs up trouble in a congregation. Better to leave it in the political arena where it belongs. Leave it as a “private choice” between a woman and her doctor. It might not be a baby anyway, perhaps only a mass of cells. No one knows when life begins. It’s a dead issue, forget it, blah, blah, yawn, yawn, Next!!

While the pro-choice arguments for abortion are compelling and persuasive, they are also shallow and have idolatrous roots. Abortion is in its simplest form, a technological fix for promiscuity. It is an assistant to the worship of Hedonism (the worship of sensuality) which runs parallel with Humanism (the worship of Man as god). Both are flourishing religions today. Alongside comes Post Modern Philosophy (the Worship of the god within and the conforming of oneself to/with his/her personal truth and the universe). And there are probably many other variations of self worship ad nauseam. God identifies idolatry is spiritual adultery. One of the sub-gods we like is technology. So, when the technology of birth control would seem to fail, it would need fail safe, namely abortion on demand (as a protected right to privacy) was judiciously accomplished by the Supreme Court of the U.S. on Jan 22, 1973. It is known as Roe V. Wade (IE. abortion on demand). It closes the loop for the mistakes of not using, or misusing birth control devices.

This sub-god of technology like most false gods requires something of its followers. One must be selfish, and sacrifice someone else or something else to the god. The worshipers will be ever more persecuted by the god, because it is a demanding and cruel master. Persecution may come in the forms of disease, broken families, violence (both domestic and social), isolation, loss of our children to abortion, and finally, captivity. The technology of abortion, if it follows the pattern of other gods, will likely become relentless in its pursuit of flesh, justifying not only the ending of life in the womb via abortion, but other grim reaping will likely follow. Such events as, assisted suicide, euthanasia, infanticide, etc. already exist in a small part as they await their cue from the doctors of death. The government, legal, and medical communities will likely implement the servicing of the alter of the god of technological advancements. It could easily follow the pattern of selective disregard for human life as was present in Hitler’s Germany in the thirties and forty’s. Hitler literally redefined the Jewish people as non-persons. Sound familiar? We have re-defined the child in the womb as a non-person here in America.

Men, yes, us men of the Christian faith, must see this arena of death for what it is. Opposition to it must be spiritual, for our enemies are not flesh and blood. We must do spiritual battle for our sons and daughters to be free from the sub-god of technology’s grip on their sexual futures. We must rally to the truth of scripture that children are a blessing of Almighty God, all children, not just the ones we decide we want. We must re-learn the truth and so the truth may set us and our children free. In addition, for the young men and women who are with child, we must offer compassion, encouragement, and assist them in overcoming their inconvenience, and embarrassment. We have to turn this thing around. We were born for a time such as this. Jesus is calling His men to stand in the gap for the survival of their families. To do this we must stand in the truth. God loves people, people are not viruses, or pollution to His planet Earth. In the contrary we are commissioned as His agents to care for the earth as managers for God Almighty. Therefore, we must seek God’s blessing on our repentance and refuse to settle for the blessing of other gods and sub-gods such as abortion technology. They are destined to become complete failures down the road. We must not hold on to the gods and sub-god of technology because our God is a jealous God and he will judge them. If we hold on to it we will be judged too like the prophets of BAAL.

As for the losers, those that have lost in the wake of the technological giant, those who have lost their children and their fatherhood, we must come along side and comfort them. We must give them permission to mourn their lost children, and their lost fatherhood. Jesus will restore health to us if we hear his hearts calling. He wants us to listen for His call to turn our hearts to our children, and pay attention to the call of our children’s hearts to us. If we will listen, and turn, he will heal and not curse. (Mal. 4:6)

You will know when you have heard the call. If you have lost a child via an abortion, you can grieve the loss, and close the chapter with God. He holds your child in His heavenly arms, and He will hold you as well. Your child has a name, and an address. He/she is a person, made in the image of Almighty God, not just a mass of cells. You can honor God, by recognizing your need for His grace toward your sexual past, and your child lost in the wake of the gods of the age. He promises to comfort those who mourn. (Mat. 5:4)

Over the last 30 years in the United States, 50 million children have lost their fathers and 50 million fathers have lost their children to abortion. 50 million people lost are more that the entire population of 11 western States (Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Colorado, and New Mexico). At some point in time we will overcome the tyranny of abortion and welcome home the fathers who are hurting. They will need our open arms and encouragement to heal. Once their secret is settled with God, they can continue with great confidence as mighty Christian men. I call on pastors and laity alike, to man the stations. Become educated about the tragic effects a man faces when he loses a child by abortion and offer the healing needed the many men having lost their fatherhood by abortion. As we do this hundreds and thousands will not need suffer another day as a STEALTH DAD!

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